STARSEED : the lost boy

You can love someone,
and still..
choose to say goodbye.
you can miss a person,
and still be glad..,
that they're no longer in your life.

 there is a few things that spinning around my mind. things that harder than anything else. what silly is i could NOT talk about it to everybody. so i need to make sure if this person is ok to talk about. not many are. but that is okay. at least but not last you see it and you can write your opinion to let me know what you think about it.

dreaming someone is normal.

i have been in the situation that i don't even understand what i'm doing. its not because i'm drunk (silly) it just because sometimes i push myself to fit in the place that i don't. and i often questioning myself why? its like why am i here ? what this is all about?
i found a word that is kinda  strang for me STARSEED.
i never though there is something like this exit. but whatever is that that could be one of things in my head.

Starseed : star people (New age belief)

there are many books talking about it. and i founds many article as well. i dont know if its real or its not. it just something that i wanna learn more.

i cant even think like how did humans knows about it?
like the idea itself always amazed me.

the world is super amazing.
and i really wanna learn more about many thing. i dont know if i have enough time or i dont. or sometimes its not always about.

its about someone around.
i dont want to be something bad or you now like the shit that they need to clean about. i always dissapoint them eveytime i choose what i like or what makes me feel better of doing it. so it takes ages for me to think about things.

i am afraid with so many things.
basically its not about me. but the loves one. i cant see them sad. i dont want to see them have a bad day(eve tho it happens sometimes) i know someone's else happiness its not my responsibility, if only i could say that to my heart , but everytime it happened. i just cant. and im blaming myself of not doing it better.